December 28, 2009
A friend recently asked me how my newfound freedom felt with my departure from NWEI and this is what I shared:
'It's rather mixed actually, a combination of sheer glee and trepidation with a pinch of anxiety and smidge of overwhelm swirled in there...the mystery of my future is both freeing and frightening. It scares me to feel like I have this much control in my own life, to know that I have an opportunity to choose a different path. I always possessed that "control," but I see it differently now...hard to explain.
I'm mostly establishing some kind of rhythm for my day so I don't get paralyzed in the lack of structure. I'm at a coffeehouse and just about to launch into the job search. It's rather bizarre to go from an 8-5p job to all hours in the day.'
I talked to my friend, Martha's mom for about an hour on Sat. night about all of this and it was so helpful and comforting just to have a listening, unbiased ear by my side! She commented that while freedom feels liberating when you leave a position that makes you unhappy that it is still disorienting. I am still obligated to pay rent, utilities, make my car payment, and balance everything else that keeps my life going.
Winter Solstice...
December 21, 2009
A silence blankets Portland tonight....the streets seem even quieter than usual tonight. As I motivate myself up from resting my tired eyes, I give into the coziness of my gloves and the closeness of a scarf around my neck. I face the cold and there's something about it that warms my heart. I can feel my face getting flush and I smile about the crisp air and the quiet moment that I have all to myself.
It's hard to believe that it was already a year ago that Arctic Blast descended upon Portland, with it's bone-chilling, unforgiving snowfall. That was the time of my life. I'll never forget walking 3 miles through the snow - all the way from SW Chinatown to NW Industrial Area in ski boots! Public transit was spotty and unreliable and the whisper of the night called me. The streets were eerily quiet and deserted, taking me back to the set of 80's film "Gremlins."
Ahhh, it feels good to be aligned with the cycles and rhythm of the seasons.
Happy Winter Solstice, family and friends!
What if...
I wanted to share my immense gratitude to my cousin, Adrienne for extending herself way back when I began my search for housing in Portland. She helped me land this place (Macleay Gardens). It's been over a year and a half already since I've moved in...this is a place I've come to know as home and while it isn't permanent, I have made the nicest circle of friends (most of whom were out-of-state and looking for connection too) in this complex, friends that will always be friends and friends that I have made really nice memories with- that connection helped me stay grounded in times of uncertainty and it made it easier to commit to living in Portland, even when I was jobless and wondering if I had made a mistake in moving 1,000 miles from home.
What made me think of all of this is that my circle of friends is shrinking - two of the last neighbor friends, Bernie and Martha just moved to NE Portland and I am missing them immensely already and feeling fairly lonely. While my heart feels a little empty and blue without their presence, it's equally weighted by gratitude that I can experience such a depth of emotion for people who were once strangers. I remember meeting them in the parking lot days after I moved in. They were unpacking and moving their stuff into my 4-plex. I liked their down-to-earth aura immediately. We had a conversation about why they moved to Portland - they said they were recently engaged and looking for a place to call home and that Boston just didn't have what they needed to feel settled. I hoped that we could become friends.
Who would have known that we'd become such nice friends and that I would attend their wedding a year later (see photo of vegan doughnuts they got special for me)? We shared the one-and-only and intense Arctic Blast 2008 together, watching snow from Bernie and Martha's living room while sharing Hannukah and Christmas together. We shared weekly soccer games and drinks at the local pub, Lompoc together. We convened in the courtyard for stories, laughs and to let our dogs run rampant. We performanced the giddiest of dance routine together for Meg's 24th birthday (yes, 24!).
When I moved here, everything was so unfamiliar. I felt like I had regressed. I was resistant to living without privacy of a backyard. I worried that Charlie would never get along with the at least 20 other dogs in this complex. He befriended a puppy who doubled in size and is now one of his pals and he eventually learned to trust his guardian, Bernie (6'5" man!) to take him on walks while I was at work. I worried that my cats who had become accustomed to playing in my front yard would get cabin fever. They have favorite spots in the bush outside of my door and go no farther than 15 feet away from my front door. I worried I'd have no space to grow food and yet I managed to grow tomatoes, peas, peppers and strawberries in a tiny plot of poor quality soil.
Lastly, but most importantly, is that in this circle of friends was a woman who I would fall for, a woman who would become the "gateway"of sorts to my finally, finally, finally coming to terms with a truth I had intentionally ignored for nearly five years, a truth that pained me to confront.
I truly believe that when I put pen to paper nearly two years ago that this place manifested itself and that, if for no other reason, to address this vital piece of my life.
If I hadn't trusted my intuition on pursuing this place, if Adrienne hadn't taken the time to take photos, do walk-thru's and put a deposit down for this place, if ... If just one of those things hadn't happened, I would have ended up with one of the other rentals scribbled down in a notebook I just found tonight from my housing search and I would have experience an entirely different set of life experiences.
A Trip Down Memory Lane
October 21, 2009
I can hardly believe October is nearing an end. I am blessed with the plethora of people who have visited me in Portland and am still brimming with memories. More later!
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Story of the Day...
“It’s our turn to help the world.”
In 2004, Wangari Maathai was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for her work in
organizing The Greenbelt Movement which had planted over thirty million trees in
Kenya and east Africa. Wangari was a biology professor at the University of
Nairobi in Kenya. In a meeting with other Kenyan women, she learned that the
fertile and forested land of her youth had been devastated. All the trees had
been cut down for coffee and tea plantations. Local women now had to walk
miles for firewood, and the water had become polluted with chemicals and runoffs
from the plantations.
She knew that the solution to the plight of these women was to plant trees, to
reforest the land. So she and a few women decided to begin immediately. They
went to a large park in Nairobi and planted seven trees. However, five of these
trees died. (The two that survived are still there today.) Their initial success rate
was 28.5%, discouraging by anybody’s standards. But they didn’t give up. They
learned from that experience and the women carried their learnings back to their
villages. Gradually, they became skilled at planting trees. Other villages saw
what they were doing and, over time, a large network of villages became
engaged in tree planting. In less than 30 years, thirty million trees were
flourishing in 600 communities, in 20 nations. Villages now have clean water,
shade and local firewood, improved health and community vitality.
What if they had given up when the first five trees died? What if they had walked
away and left it to the government or the U.N. to plant trees?
And yet, how is it possible to go from two trees to 30 million trees in just 27
years? Or, to go from a mere dozen men to 9 million people acting as one
unified body in just a few weeks, as happened with the Polish Solidarity
Movement? This exponential growth is one gift of living in a network of
relationships. If the issue is meaningful, people pay attention, see its value, and
begin to talk to others. Such passion moves like wildfire through our networks
and communities. Suddenly, we’ve reached millions of people and created largescale
change. And it’s always true that these large powerful changes begin with
only a few people who decide to help.
Squeaky Wheel Gets the Grease
April 2009
I had plans with a friend that got canceled tonight and that left me the other plan that was waiting in the wings. My friend and neighbor Martha had asked me the evening before if I would like to learn how to fix a flat tire. I had been itching to get the bike basics pinned down for some time, and I mean basics (i.e. putting air in a tire!) so I was really excited to be invited along. Martha's co-worker, Carol and her partner run a small side business empowering women around their bikes and that's who would be showing us the ropes. They live in an adorable house in Westmoreland/Sellwood, a city that brings a settled energy with it. They use their garage as a bike-fixing garage.
Carol and her partner used role play to teach us. We joked that if you look miserable enough here in Portland that someone will stop and help. Then I practiced my damsel-in-distress act! I gave Martha the nickname "Smudge" as her head was adorned with a gigantic smudge from the grease (see attached).
One Year in Portland....today!
These are all memories, experiences, things unique to Portland from the last year...April 7, 2008-April 7, 2009...
Having gas pumped for me and still feeling like a spoiled brat when it happens. Dialing 503 to make a local call. Timber's games. Cousins Avie and Adrienne. Distinctly fresh air. Food Front Co-op. Good bars from Martha. Lower Macleay Trail. Oregon Grape. Willamette River. Columbia River. Working at the farmer's market. Sustainable food. Wine. Microbrew. Industrial. Edge. Funky. Community and neighborhood based. Oregon coast. Burgerville. "Keep Portland Weird." Thriving social life. Visage Gallery. Macleay Gardens - best neighbors ever. Forest Park. Cutest streetcar. "Spendy." Bioregionalism. Cutthroat Trout. Salmon. Garden space. Weekly soccer. Portland Art Museum. Approachable. Public transit. Bike as a gift. Walking everywhere. Charlie coming out of his shell. Me coming out of mine. Neighbor gatherings. Hannukah with the neighbors. Laurelhurst Park. Lompoc. Pyramid Breweries. Astoria. Multnomah Falls. Angel's Rest. Balch Creek. The Gorge. Crushes. Neighborhood walks. Blossoming Lotus. Bella Faccia. Alberta Street House Pub. Bye and Bye bar. Jimmy Mac jazz. Artic Blast 2008. Clinton Street. Anna's Project Chaboo. Getting locked out of my apartment and climbing through a window. Bernie unlocking my door with a credit card. Creating a community listserve. Anna's Bananas coffeehouse with Eric. Rabbis Gone Wild. Sarah moving me in. Urban Jews. Who knew? Hoyt Arboretum. Japanese Garden. Chinese Garden. NWEI staff retreat. Secret Snowflake. Paperless Billing Movie Making. Screenwriting class. Massage class. Coming out. Someday Lounge. Quarter-in-the-butt game. Hopworks Organic beer. Lucky Lab. Scrabble. Organic Beer Festival. Visits from friends: mom, Marina, Hava, Dan, Cori, Liberty and Chris, Will, Barb, Magda, Zoe. Art piece debut at Visage Gallery. Seattle roadtrip. Sex in the City. L Word. Voodoo Donuts. Scrabble with Eric at Palio's. Backgamon at Tea Chai Te with Will. Ladd's Addition walks. Stepping Stone Diner. #59 at E-San. The Clearing Cafe. Board game nights at Amy and Darren's and Rakestraw's. Powell's. Tennis and walking buddy, Nancy. 4Love calls. Calling in the One. Applying for countless jobs. Mopping floors. Unemployment benefits. Dog sitting. Springhill Organic Farm. Meeting Martha's brother and mother. Sandy River. Washougal River. Tao of tea. Snail mail from friends. Shabbat dinners. Student for the day at OCOM and NCNM. 33 redefined as sexy. Tour de Organics 35 mile bike ride. Dancing at Nia HQ. Leave No Plastic Behind art collective. Vaux Swifts at Wallace Park. SW Hills walks. Laurelhurst park. Rerun. Oba and Crush exhibit. Singing in the rain. Rain. Thunder. Doug Fir Lounge and Obama's election night. Vegan mini mall. Cedars. Firs. Hemlocks. Bluberry picking. Soup party at Anna and Ruby's. Bartending a wedding. Butt Ugly campaign takes root. Halloween at Heckscher's and Cingel's. Cockatiel Party. Kevin Monahan letter of closure. John's chorale at St John's. Hotlips. Sauvie Island. Oaks Bottom Refuge. Tryon Creek State Park. Conducting interviews for my book. Audubon Society. Soup Cycle. Voluntary Simplicity and Sense of Place. Yoga Bhoga and Root Whole Body. Eco-friendly Mint Dental. Finding and liking a naturopath. Pivotal walk in Forest Park walk with Zoe.
Here's to hundreds and hundreds memories!
Having gas pumped for me and still feeling like a spoiled brat when it happens. Dialing 503 to make a local call. Timber's games. Cousins Avie and Adrienne. Distinctly fresh air. Food Front Co-op. Good bars from Martha. Lower Macleay Trail. Oregon Grape. Willamette River. Columbia River. Working at the farmer's market. Sustainable food. Wine. Microbrew. Industrial. Edge. Funky. Community and neighborhood based. Oregon coast. Burgerville. "Keep Portland Weird." Thriving social life. Visage Gallery. Macleay Gardens - best neighbors ever. Forest Park. Cutest streetcar. "Spendy." Bioregionalism. Cutthroat Trout. Salmon. Garden space. Weekly soccer. Portland Art Museum. Approachable. Public transit. Bike as a gift. Walking everywhere. Charlie coming out of his shell. Me coming out of mine. Neighbor gatherings. Hannukah with the neighbors. Laurelhurst Park. Lompoc. Pyramid Breweries. Astoria. Multnomah Falls. Angel's Rest. Balch Creek. The Gorge. Crushes. Neighborhood walks. Blossoming Lotus. Bella Faccia. Alberta Street House Pub. Bye and Bye bar. Jimmy Mac jazz. Artic Blast 2008. Clinton Street. Anna's Project Chaboo. Getting locked out of my apartment and climbing through a window. Bernie unlocking my door with a credit card. Creating a community listserve. Anna's Bananas coffeehouse with Eric. Rabbis Gone Wild. Sarah moving me in. Urban Jews. Who knew? Hoyt Arboretum. Japanese Garden. Chinese Garden. NWEI staff retreat. Secret Snowflake. Paperless Billing Movie Making. Screenwriting class. Massage class. Coming out. Someday Lounge. Quarter-in-the-butt game. Hopworks Organic beer. Lucky Lab. Scrabble. Organic Beer Festival. Visits from friends: mom, Marina, Hava, Dan, Cori, Liberty and Chris, Will, Barb, Magda, Zoe. Art piece debut at Visage Gallery. Seattle roadtrip. Sex in the City. L Word. Voodoo Donuts. Scrabble with Eric at Palio's. Backgamon at Tea Chai Te with Will. Ladd's Addition walks. Stepping Stone Diner. #59 at E-San. The Clearing Cafe. Board game nights at Amy and Darren's and Rakestraw's. Powell's. Tennis and walking buddy, Nancy. 4Love calls. Calling in the One. Applying for countless jobs. Mopping floors. Unemployment benefits. Dog sitting. Springhill Organic Farm. Meeting Martha's brother and mother. Sandy River. Washougal River. Tao of tea. Snail mail from friends. Shabbat dinners. Student for the day at OCOM and NCNM. 33 redefined as sexy. Tour de Organics 35 mile bike ride. Dancing at Nia HQ. Leave No Plastic Behind art collective. Vaux Swifts at Wallace Park. SW Hills walks. Laurelhurst park. Rerun. Oba and Crush exhibit. Singing in the rain. Rain. Thunder. Doug Fir Lounge and Obama's election night. Vegan mini mall. Cedars. Firs. Hemlocks. Bluberry picking. Soup party at Anna and Ruby's. Bartending a wedding. Butt Ugly campaign takes root. Halloween at Heckscher's and Cingel's. Cockatiel Party. Kevin Monahan letter of closure. John's chorale at St John's. Hotlips. Sauvie Island. Oaks Bottom Refuge. Tryon Creek State Park. Conducting interviews for my book. Audubon Society. Soup Cycle. Voluntary Simplicity and Sense of Place. Yoga Bhoga and Root Whole Body. Eco-friendly Mint Dental. Finding and liking a naturopath. Pivotal walk in Forest Park walk with Zoe.
Here's to hundreds and hundreds memories!
Oregon Coast Outing #2
Zoe and me at the Rakestraw's (it has been a couple years since we've taken a photo together) and more photos of the Oregon Coast. My favorite is the one of Zoe and I on the beach and the drift wood...you can see us at specs in this photo if you take a close look. I'm on the far right and she's on the far left...
Oregon Coast Outing
February 8, 2009
This is one of the biggest influences of my life, my dear friend Zoe....attempting to befriend Charlie...Kate, Marsha and me at the trailhead, me, me and me~!
Memorable conversations of the day included to shave or not and why, to thrift or purchase new and why, and extramarital affairs (not having them but our thoughts of them).
Middle-of-the-Day Staff Retreats
January 16, 2009
When I realized just how much of my time would be spent behind a computer screen, I started to crave the outdoors even more. So much of the impact of the work we do to protect our precious planet at the NW Earth Institute is so very far removed from the work we do on a daily basis...indoors, in concrete buildings, in an urban setting, behind computer screens. It can all feel so artificial and inconsistent. I have to make a conscious effort to remember what it is I'm doing and for what. Otherwise, it can seem indistinguishable from any other 9-5 job.
Thank goodness for an incredible understanding and open Executive Director. I ran an idea by him that he quickly responded to. I asked him if I could organize quarterly outings, some of which could happen in the middle of the day.
here is our staff at Forest Park, Lower Macleay Trail...a lovely walk in the middle of a work day! Top photo from Left to Right: Monica, our sweet bookkeeper, Sarah, our latest staffer and bright light, Me, Kerry, our fun Development Director and Chris, our contemplative and generous spirit Jesuit Volunteer Corp. member.
Second photo: picnic - Nina, our quirky intern in the background!
Third photo: Kate, our dedicated, and bright Volunteer and Community Coordinator Sarah and Deb, our beloved kindred spirit who we all miss terribly (she moved back to Colorado and will be giving birth to her first baby this summer).
Snow Hits Portland...?!
I awoke to an unexpected snow fall on Sunday morning and was I in heaven! I screamed so loudly and jumped up and down and snapped some photos of the gently falling snowflakes. What a serene scene....
I caught the tail end of my weekly soccer game with neighbors...this time in the snow (me kicking off!) and then we gathered for hot cider at Martha and Bernie's cozy apartment afterwards...steps across the hall from my apartment. I have a lot of fun with these neighbors. See photo of the puppy pile that happened before I arrived!
I knew snow fall was on the way, but I didn't know if it would arrive as early as Sunday morning. The weather reports predicted weather dipping into the 20s and teens! When it arrived, it continued to fall... all day and started sticking and piling up. Sidewalks even iced over and I managed to skid at least a couple of times in my car...I finally admitted that I had no idea what I was doing driving in snow! Good god.
Portland Public Schools closed their doors today...those must have been some excited kids. Families towed sleds behind them down the streets, people threw snow balls at each other and slid in their shoes across the icy roads. Something about these kinds of conditions brings out the inner child in people and I love that.
A headline from today:
Get ready for Round Two and Round Three.
Forecasters say another blast of snow is set to arrive Wednesday morning. The heaviest is expected to fall into Thursday morning from west to east along the Columbia River.
By late Thursday, another surge of Arctic air will drop temperatures into the teens with highs in the 20s for the weekend, said Charles Dalton, a National Weather Service meteorologist in Portland.
Secret Snowflake
Stayed tuned for explanation to quotes below!
"You have all made my Friday. And I concur, this brilliance should be spread ‘round the year!" - Kate
"I’m YES on seasonal secret bestowers!! LOVE this email exchange… we’re a funny group!" - Dani
"And thanks to my snowflake too! This is SO much fun! Maybe we should have Secret Spring Blossoms and Secret Summer Sunshines too. Today’s was my biggest hint snowflake." - Kerry
"I’m getting fat!!! Thanks a lot snowflake… ;-) I love the holidays!" - Chris
"I would just like to say that as dysfunctional as our snowflake coordination has apparently been…You all make me so happy, I love the holiday intrigue and excitement, and I can’t wait until the throwdown at our Tuesday breakfast! And to my snowflake…very very sneaky…and so sweet!" - Kate
"Some lovely holiday cut outs, some tasty candy, a call from “Jim”, a lovely new song to the tune of “Frosty the Snowman”, Marionberry jam, and a scrumptious sweetroll. I haven’t been that good this year. Thanks Snowflake!" - Mike
"Likewise to my secret snowflake – THANK you for the truffle, the chocolate bar, the lip balm, the lovely quotes, the yummy baked good… WOW I am lucky!!! =)
Thanks!!! Ps: I have my suspicions about your identity… =)" - Deb
"You have gone above and beyond secret snowflake! THANK YOU so much for your sweetness (literally and figuratively)! I am in heaven." - Dani
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