December 28, 2009
A friend recently asked me how my newfound freedom felt with my departure from NWEI and this is what I shared:
'It's rather mixed actually, a combination of sheer glee and trepidation with a pinch of anxiety and smidge of overwhelm swirled in there...the mystery of my future is both freeing and frightening. It scares me to feel like I have this much control in my own life, to know that I have an opportunity to choose a different path. I always possessed that "control," but I see it differently now...hard to explain.
I'm mostly establishing some kind of rhythm for my day so I don't get paralyzed in the lack of structure. I'm at a coffeehouse and just about to launch into the job search. It's rather bizarre to go from an 8-5p job to all hours in the day.'
I talked to my friend, Martha's mom for about an hour on Sat. night about all of this and it was so helpful and comforting just to have a listening, unbiased ear by my side! She commented that while freedom feels liberating when you leave a position that makes you unhappy that it is still disorienting. I am still obligated to pay rent, utilities, make my car payment, and balance everything else that keeps my life going.
Winter Solstice...
December 21, 2009
A silence blankets Portland tonight....the streets seem even quieter than usual tonight. As I motivate myself up from resting my tired eyes, I give into the coziness of my gloves and the closeness of a scarf around my neck. I face the cold and there's something about it that warms my heart. I can feel my face getting flush and I smile about the crisp air and the quiet moment that I have all to myself.
It's hard to believe that it was already a year ago that Arctic Blast descended upon Portland, with it's bone-chilling, unforgiving snowfall. That was the time of my life. I'll never forget walking 3 miles through the snow - all the way from SW Chinatown to NW Industrial Area in ski boots! Public transit was spotty and unreliable and the whisper of the night called me. The streets were eerily quiet and deserted, taking me back to the set of 80's film "Gremlins."
Ahhh, it feels good to be aligned with the cycles and rhythm of the seasons.
Happy Winter Solstice, family and friends!
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